None of us know what the future holds. None of us know how our lives will pan out. I’m sure there are times when you look back and say ‘if only’. Mum’s dementia caused lots of ‘if only’ moments. ‘If only she could have told us how she felt, if she understood why we had to have her placed into care, if she forgave us, if only. We agonised about her treatment and even after her death we all had to cope with varying degrees of confusion and guilt.

Then dad found a letter that mum had written in 1996 to myself and my brother just after her own mum had to go into care. I cannot begin to tell you how powerful that letter was. Not least because it was my real mum talking and not the empty shell that had been created by the dementia. She loved us, she told us when her time came that she knew we would do the right thing and all that she asked was that we stay close to one another.

It put so much into perspective and although lots of tears have been shed it has helped to begin the healing process. So I will write to my son and my grandson and put the letters somewhere safe. I don’t want them to think ‘if only’. x

This is just a snapshot of the board behind my desk – it has mum in the middle and my family around – I just hadn’t realised x